It's finally the end of the semester. Exams are finally over and I'm actually finally going out to work. I was suppose to do all that last March after results came out but I didn't make it to pass my final two papers. Since then, so much has changed.
Let me take you back about four months ago.
It was right after Monday morning prayer meeting, I checked my email and I received the email that changed so much more that there was to change. Clearly Daddy had everything planned. I failed two papers and passed the other two. That meant that I had to spend another 4 months in college when I was clearly so ready and prepared myself to work. I was ready to start the next chapter of my life, going in with the right heart and attitude, having the right expectations but I guess the Lord decided that I wasn't all that ready. I had a lot of faith that God would see me through.
He still did, but I guess my idea of seeing me through wasn't His idea of seeing me through. I was sad, I cried. So many question marks in my head and I fought so hard not to question God. I had no idea what was the reason God keeping me here but I knew that He had a perfect reason why. I was very happy that all my sisters made it through their papers but I wished so hard I did too. In the midst of dealing with my emotions and thoughts, I told Mi that I'll be alright and that maybe God will bless me in some other way.
And so He did. More than I could have ever asked for.
In this four months I have not been blessed more than I have been in the past, I have seen myself grow more than I ever thought I could because God granted me wisdom to know so much more about Him, the one thing I've always wished I could do. I discovered the gifts that He's given me and I found the purpose He had for me and the ministry that He put me in.
I knew all that happened to me was fair and just. God had His reasons. After much prayer, I knew that if I had walked into the working world without the knowledge of God and risk turning away from Him or being distant from Him, I might as well have not passed in the first place. But in the last four months, He taught me patience, faith, hope, love, kindness, prayer, trust and gratefulness. The lessons learned and the memories shared with Mi and Fe and many more people that He had have share my life with me are priceless and I will never have it any other way.
I learned to trust Him, even though the prayer I had for myself was not answered the way that I wanted Him to. Then i realized that it was not what I wanted, but what He wanted for me. Why I failed was very justifiable. It wasn't because I didn't work hard enough but it was because I made a mistake. But that mistake was probably pre-planned so I could have so much more. Guess you could say I'm being silly. But I'd say I'm just doing what I've always wished I could do. Which is to uphold my life to God and have Him lead me through the darkest valleys and the hardest paths because in all of that, I got saw the brightest star and the most beautiful rainbow.
The memories engraved in my heart may be little ones compared to others but I don't need the big ones to pull me through. That, Daddy taught me. To see joy in the finest things are the ones that are all worth it and all fulfilling. The memory of seeing my sisters grow, my friends smile, or achieving something, fall and pick themselves up again, or from seeing how hard it was for them and now wonderful things are for them. These are the ones that I hold so very dear. I would live that moment again. Even if it means failing again. From where I stand, even though sometimes people may not notice me or I'm no big shot, but I have been given the privilege to watch every seed grow, every flower blossom and every sun shine. Life is absolutely fulfilling that way.
So it's been absolutely perfect. Even though it was so hard. Even though it took pain and hurt to get here now, four months later. But yes, I wouldn't change it. Would you change all that you've been through? Even if you knew you didn't have any choice being in the position that you are and you don't like it? Would you trust God to take care of you? Would u see joy in the finest things, the darkest valleys and hardest paths? Would you re-live the hard times just to see the brightest star and have the most beautiful memory? I know I won't change it. I won't change what is made perfect for me by the One that is anything but perfect.
He didn't answer my prayers last time round. Maybe He'll answer it this time, or the next. But I know He will answer it in His perfect timing, in the most perfect way. Either way, I'll be just fine. I may be scared but I will be fine. I know He'll carry me through.
I hope you know that too.
Phillippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
2 Corinthians 12:9 - ... "My Grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in your
weakness.
He promised not to leave us nor forsake us. How much to you believe that? I know I do.
Claim His promises and hold on to Him. I promise you, you've got nothing to lose but everything to gain.
Love always,
Me
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4 comments:
yes! feli 1st comment on the blog. (yay!whee!woa!*haha*)
okok, serious now.sMEli, u've been a blessing to me in my life. no doubt.your testimonies and sharing have been generous and genuine, touching lives, at least mine. and God will use u even more n mightily even as u move to the next chapter of your life, the accounting profession in u-know-where. as much the future holds, put your faith in God because He holds the future in His hands. Seek Him, so that your heart is filled with joy even through tribulations. and i pray that your life will continue to be enriched by His love and the people around u and enriching other lives. All the best in your new step of faith to the working world. signing off, your mei mei. love u.
Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to write these out :)
I mean, some of these things usually come across as little things that people tend to overlook but my gosh, DO they MEAN so much, yea?
It is a little, yet significant encouragement to me today :)
God bless you~
Thanks so much for commenting =)
It is a pleasure having u guys in my life. Thanks for letting me be a part of your life. I wouldn't have it any other way. Thanks for being great sisters to me. Words are not enough to say how much I appreciate how God has blessed me.
Love you guyss!
i concur with 'you-know-who'. ;) Could not have said it any better. :) And, i'm definitely with you on the one where i most certainly would not change a single thing or have it any other way. :) His ways are certainly higher than our ways, and His thought higher than ours. So, the very realization, knowledge and understanding of that puts me so much more at ease (or, at a genuinely relaxed mode), where i have the full assurance to grant complete control into His sovereign hands. The sooner and better (or deeper) we understand 'tis truth, the easier our lives become for us, ev'n when life becomes harder, more difficult and arduous for us... seems to defy logic, huh? =) Me guess that's what you call faith (or what faith is all about). *Winks! Winks!*
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