Sunday, August 2, 2009

What happened?

Today I was at lunch with my colleagues and we had the most interesting conversation. Well it was very brief but it got me thinking for the longest time until I decide to put it up here. It went something along these lines...

... to have a child without getting married is fine in this generation. We shouldn't judge people. As long as the girl can support herself and the child, I don't think there's a problem....

... Yeap! If I had a child before I got married, I don't owe it to anyone to explain how I chose to live my life. If I get married because I'm pregnant is just so my parents wouldn't lose "face" to my relatives and at least they can say "She's pregnant and married, not pregnant and alone"

Basically, that's the gist of it.

As I am writing this, I'm speaking to a friend who thinks people shouldn't get married just cause there is a child involved. If they are not happy, then they should leave to lead their own lives and still love the child. Most people are happier that way rather than being at each other's necks all the time.

I stop to think... What happened? The very being that was created out of love has lost all sense of the meaning of love, marriage and family. How can we say that no one should get married because of the child? Answer: Because there is no point in getting married, let alone stay in the marriage if there is no love.

Then what about the child?

How can we say there is still a family when you have 2 mummies and 2 daddies when there is only suppose to be one each? How can there still be a family when your biological mummy and daddy is separated and not living together and will never be?

How can we say, its alright because the girl can support herself and she'll be fine raising the child?

Have we all forgotten about the child? How do you want your child to call you, mummy and daddy?? Doesn't a child need the love of a father too? Or how would a child say mummy 1 & mummy 2 and daddy 1 & daddy 2?

I'm not saying you should be married just cause you have a child. I'm just saying don't even attempt to have the slightest chance to have a child, meaning wait.

I'm not saying that a marriage should happen because of a child. I'm simply saying that we should understand the meaning of a marriage being the union of 2 people with completely different personalities, mood swings and bad tempers! Maybe if people remember that they are not always right, they are not the same, there will be differences and no one is perfect, just maybe people will not stop trying to work at it and be willing to forgive and reconcile.

So what happened? I wonder what God is saying.

In hopes for what used to be complete and beautiful,
Me

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

there are people who got married, have a kid and marriage fell apart. It is part and parcel of life, things change, feelings might change, people change...

if someone is strong enough to have kids and can manage bringing up the kid by herself without the support of a man I think thats a tough decision that she has to make too.

As for having 2 parents, islam allows polygamy. So u see, who are we to judge? If daddy 1 or daddy 2 or mommy 1 or mommy 2 could love the child like her own, I don't see whats the problem..

Speaking of globalisation, our views on issues like this has changed. Time to open up your eyes and smell the roses. This is fact, and this is life.

Anonymous said...

or it could be the other way round, the guy promise the girl everything but when the baby issue comes around he abandone her.

I've got friends who are single mom and they are happy being that way..

there's no right and wrong... it is a conscious decision that a person make.

Me said...

Dear anonymous,

Thanks for dropping by. I agree with all that you say. Things change at every point of our lives. It's all part and parcel of everything that we do and the story of our lives. My point being what used to be is not anymore which has got a lot to do with choices made by an individual. What I'm trying to say is that are those decisions made for the children or for themselves?

Single moms are very admirable individuals with hearts of gold and gems of life. Faults are on the fathers who left and husbands who ran away.

Lets hope that ppl start making conscious decisions for what is right and not just selfishly for themselves.

Sincerely,
Me